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2001-05-31 - 4:09 p.m. Haven't written in awhile. Too tired. Too depressed. Had a great weekend, needed it after my hellish work week prior. Wrote a 129 page report only to get down to the presentation meeting and have my whole chunk of it skipped over because of "no time". Whatever. Funny experience on the plane down to DC to the client - the last person to get on the plane was none other than Dr. Ruth, who proceeded to sit two rows in front of me. When the plane landed, and all the perceived-important people whipped out their ringing cell phones, the little plane felt like the inside of a musical doorbell store. Dr. Ruth (who, when stood straight was at least a good foot under the section of the plane where the oxygen masks and the little air blowing thingys are) looked right at me and said "De vorld eet is changing". It was too funny. I wish my boss wasn't standing right there (on her cell phone) or I would have asked her how to have an orgasm. Devin is leaving today to start his journey across the country to Hong Kong. He's so worried about it-what's going to happen to him, etc. I wish I had his courage to just up and change my life around. Here I am worried about doing anything out of the ordinary in case I get hurt in the end. I haven't laughed as much as I did last weekend-we (Devin, Aly and David) went down to Devin's parent's house in Williamsburg, VA. We always have such a relaxing time there. And this weekend was no different. I love that place-and hanging out with my friends made me realize how utterly solitary I have been as of late. I've only laughed at the TV, and forgot what it was like when you laugh with others-especially when all the jokes are only funny at that moment in time, and you end up laughing at the fact that you're laughing so much at something that isn't really that funny. We managed not to create too much drama when we were down there-only had one neighbor ask if we would be quiet when we were hanging out late at night in the hottub. And that was probably my fault, since my voice has been known to drill through closed windows from a mile away. Tuesday night I went to this drama debate that I was helping out with a bit. The topic was "Resolved: a Moratorium should be placed on Theatrical Awards". There was an okay turnout, but I was shocked (and afraid, a bit), by the fact that the diehard fans of theater, those who would actually come out on a rainy Tuesday were all over 60 years old. And they all had that "old person" fashion sense-big sunglasses, mismatched clothing, fanny packs. There were hardly any people there our age…the age range went from myself and the debate producers, who are in their 20s-30s right up to 65-85. A bit strange. The debate was interesting, yet depressing, for I realized three things: 1. All drama in NYC is controlled by a VERY small group of people-like a popular kid clique that I could never get into, but want desperately to be accepted by. Drama and the topics it relates to, are hard to find information about, unless you are in the clique. And, as a result, information is kept secret. Good, small plays are only known about by a select few, and if you happen to know someone who knows someone, you will find out about them. 2. No one in our generation really cares about theater-assumed, because there was no one there my age, save those of us that organized the thing. 3. I need to get more creativity into my life. I haven't been around drama for so long (due, in part to #1-but it is mostly my fault). I want to write, act, speak, SOMETHING. I'm looking into it now. BUT, if anyone knows of ways I can get into the freelance writing market (I know, I know - EVERYONE in NYC wants to do that), please let me know. Had my second therapist appointment last night - realized that I'm really not taking care of myself physically…and I need to start. SOON. NOW. Argh. I saw Devin today for the last time before New Year's. He took me out to lunch. It's so amazing to think about the people in your life, like Devin, who have seen you go through so many different things in your life-and vice-versa, for that matter. I never would think that someone else could conceivably know me better than I know myself. But he does, and he always will. I've officially grown up, I think-based on the fact that Devin, who I know better than he knows himself (I think) is now moving to Hong Kong to be the director of an interactive agency. He's someone's boss now-the man got me through my random shitty relationships is now a "big wig". I have other friends who are doing amazing stuff, and have big careers established-but something about Devin making it, makes me realize I'm an adult. What else what else….oh….read Bridget Jones' Diary over the weekend. It was actually very funny, well written. Until the last 30 pages-when I realized that absolutely nothing had really happened in her life over the past year. I mean, events happened, but she didn't develop as a person. Depressing, frankly. It wasn't a very self aware ending. As a movie, it's probably quite funny and entertaining, but not really "moving". Felt like it could have been the introspections of a stereotypical upper east-side girl. However, it did make me realize how annoying it is to only hear about one's love life. She went on and on and on and on about it. I think I could have done a better job. But, then again, I am living on the upper east-side, am a girl and have NO clue how to learn from my dating experiences.
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