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2001-05-04 - 2:03 p.m. I read an article the other day in my Cosmo or Glamour or Mademoiselle - I forget which one I had laying around, that talked about having a ¼ life crisis. Since I turned 25 (almost 1 ½ years ago) I've claimed to be going through a ¼ life crisis - as a joke, but apparently it's a real thing. I was surprised a bit by the article-these women were in the beginnings of their successful careers, some were in relationships, yet they were worrying about "this being it". Are we ALL so unsure of ourselves that we are constantly questioning our actions? If so, that's pretty sad. Well, I was upset because I felt that I fell into this category-that my life isn't great, even though I have parents who would carry the world for me, have a high paying job, my health, a great education, and good looks. Then I listed this very list and realized I'm an asshole. Of course I have a great life, I mean shit-I'm 26 years old, living in the greatest city in the world, and I have all that going for me. Granted, I have ups and downs, but we all do. Right now my downs consist of not getting to the gym regularly because of my lazy ass, which leads to my lazy ass getting bigger, and also, my boss treats me like a workhorse-if I'm sick for a day, I get the silent treatment. It's a good thing I'm really not a horse, or I'd get shot when I show the first sign of weakness. But I am doing okay. Even starting to seriously look into editorial jobs at random magazines-something to spice my creative life up more. I don't like marketing anymore, it's so pointless. I am doing okay, until I get an email from my dear friend Kate. Now I'm thrust right back into being the posterchild for the article I read. Kate is a producer…she has the most amazing work ethic and drive of anyone I've ever met or known. She has always known what she's wanted, and gotten it. I'm so jealous of her. I have no right to be. I didn't know when I was in highschool that I wanted to be a producer, start gaining experience, and work like a dog ever since to move up in the world. But I still am. How could I not? One of the documentaries she worked on is airing on Nightline, and may be picked up by HBO, she's living in San Francisco, then NYC, then moving to Australia to do a story with her dad. What a life. Jealousy can be used as inspiration, and I hope I remember the feeling I have now for a long time, so I can keep my inspiration to strive for something better. I'm jealous of so many people in my life-I think I'm living vicariously through them. Devin is moving to Hong Kong to start a new life. Swerdloff has so many options ahead of him. Sara is starting a teaching job in an amazing school and moving in with her boyfriend. Again, I do appreciate and am proud of what I have, but…do the "what if's?" ever go away?
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