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2001-05-20 - 8:13 p.m. Last night was spent remembering how great my friends are. Went out to dinner with Devin, Kate and Stephanie – three people I probably won’t see again till New Years. Everyone is going away… We had such a great time – they tried to talk me into getting out of this city. Move to San Francisco. I’m so ensconced here in New York…I don’t know if I could be comfortable anywhere else. But I’ve been thinking about it, and realize that I never really just take a chance on things…no risks, for fear that I would be hurt as a result. This is safe for me. I don’t know if I am going to pick up and go to SF, but I do need to start thinking of ways to take a risk or two. Change careers. Something. Mainly, I’m afraid to move out there for fear that I would be met with rejection from Doug, and that would be bad. So, I’m rationalizing that idea straight out the window. I haven’t closed the door on that idea, but every time I think about SF, I think about Doug. Not good. Then we went back to the old apartment to watch Kate’s documentaries. It’s amazing…she’s amazing. I want to create something again. I spent the rest of the night hanging out in our old living room with Aly and Devin. It was just like old times…I miss that. I’m gonna miss Devin. What can I do to make my life more interesting to me? Exciting? What? Right now my life consists of work, cats, and television. And maybe going running or to the gym. That’s no life for a 26 year old. But I love the way my life is. I need motivation to get my ass off this rug and out into my life. I had to go to work today, unfortunately. But I was on the computer when a friend from Alaska (don’t even ask how I know someone from Alaska) popped up on Instant Messenger. We hadn’t spoken in awhile. It’s really cool to have a friend on the other side of the country…we’ve never met…but it’s great to have mini-conversations with a new person. Gives me new perspective on my life, and (I hope) on his.
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